Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
