Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
