This is not my ceiling
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
