OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
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woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
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He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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