I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
