Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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