You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
