My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
