I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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