I hate your face
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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