After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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