I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
