I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
