I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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