He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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