i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
