hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
