Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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