Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
