i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
