Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
