does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
