my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
