and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize