i need an iv and a liver transplant
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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