i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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