I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Randomize
