Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
