I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
