i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
