I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
