peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
