clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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