He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
