Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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