I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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