Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You're like the curious george of whores
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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