When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You are a genius and a whore.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
