Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
