Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
