Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I need a burrito and a hug.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
