Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
