Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
