I never want to see another naked old woman again.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
