It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Randomize
