I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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