I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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