At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
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