I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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