i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
