You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
