dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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