I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
