Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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