He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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