The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize