Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
i now understand why vodka
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
There are leaves in my underwear?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
