shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
