if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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