could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
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