Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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